Dating and Finding Happiness with the Right Person

Index

Information
Advice
Internet Links

INFORMATION 
Getting involved with a person with whom you will be happy and establish a long-term relationship is a top goal for most of us. About 90% of all Americans eventually get married.  Many married people are very physically or personally unattractive to the majority of us.  Many are poor, unsuccessful, and have some quality that many people think would prevent anyone from ever loving them.  Yet they marry nonetheless.  

Many people fear that some defect in themselves will prevent anyone from ever wanting to be with them.  Or they think that no one that would be acceptable to them would ever want them.  However, those beliefs are almost always untrue.  The fact is that just wanting something in another person (honesty, intelligence, love to play bingo, etc.) means that probably you share that value yourself and consequently are more attractive to them.

You must also set realistic expectations.  For example, some people (mostly men) want to marry someone who is much more physically attractive than themselves.  Research has shown that most people marry people who are close to their own physical attractiveness (as rated by outside observers).  So if a good figure is important to you, keep yourself in good shape.

Actually, that finding applies to other qualities as well.  If you want someone who is kind, honest, a good communicator, etc. Then it helps to possess those qualities yourself to attract someone who has those qualities.  Therefore,, take a serious look at yourself and get feedback from others about how they see you--especially people who are like the person you want to be with. Then work on bringing yourself up to the level you expect in others.

Also, make sure that you don't have some personal quality such as a drug or alcohol addiction or abusive behavior tendency that will eventually undermine a relationship once you get into it.

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ADVICE 
Keep reading, learning from others who are successful, practicing, and meeting a lot of people in settings where people with interests like yours congregate.  These will maximize your chances of finding the right person for you. 

Also, learn how to be happy alone and accept that you can be happy alone the rest of your life.  That peace of mind, confidence, and lack of "neediness" will help you overcome your fears and help you be more successful with others.

If you have more complex problems that you are not sure you can handle alone, get help from a good counselor who proves to be helpful.

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INTERNET LINKS 
Other key life skills that are crucial to successful relationships include intimacy skills and conflict resolution skills. Go to our help links on these topics.

Choose To Be Happy In Relationships
A set of general guidelines connected to other links for specific step-by-step help for improving relationships of all types--especially close or romantic ones. Dr. Tom Stevens
http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/chaprels.htm

***Dating Magnet Site provides information, advice, and links.
http://www.datingmagnet.com/

Also--go to Developing Intimacy Help Page

Dating and Matching Sites--See Safety Tips box at end of references

****Comprehensive Index of Date/Meeting People Sites
http://www.aarens.com/dating/index.html

http://eharmony.com

http://match.com

www.eharmony.com    Eharmony.com  uses questionnaire to match by factors they believe important

www.match.com   Match.com; first fill out a profile. Claims more than 2.5 million singles have tried its services and 300,000 have found someone special and 800 have gotten married.

www.americansingles.com    Americansingles.com; first fill out a profile

www.bestdate.com

www.alternativeconnections.com  For people with alternative lifestyles

www.thridage.com   For baby boomers

personals.yahoo.com  Personals, not matching, at Yahoo

personals.excite.com  Same at Excite

Safety Tips for Internet or Single's Scene Dating: 

• Never include last name, correct email address, home address, phone number, place of work or any other identifying information in your profile or initial e-mails.
• Meet only in public places for initial meetings.
• Don't have date pick you up at home or bring you home initially.
• Always make sure a friend or someone knows about your date, and arrange to check in with them on returning.

Additional tips:

• Look for someone in your own locale.
• Spell check and proofread your e-mails to avoid dumb mistakes.