DETAILED TABLE OF CONTENTS

(For overview only--no functional hyperlinks; has original book page numbers)

 

INTRODUCTION:...................................................................................................................... 8

Chapter 1: OUR SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS AND SELF-ACTUALIZATION............. 12

MY OWN QUEST FOR HAPPINESS........................................................................................ 13

MASLOW'S CLASSIC STUDY OF SELF-ACTUALIZING PEOPLE........................................... 14

MASLOW'S METAVALUES (or "Being" values)......................................................................... 16

MOVING TO HIGHER LEVEL RELATIONSHIPS AND GROUPS........................................... 17

EXTERNALLY-CENTERED (EC) VERSUS INTERNALLY-CENTERED (IC) VALUES................... 19

WHAT IF WE MAKE HAPPINESS A CONSCIOUS ULTIMATE CONCERN?......................... 20

WHAT’S WRONG WITH MAKING HAPPINESS A TOP GOAL?........................................... 21

A NEW UNDERSTANDING FOR SOME COMMON TERMS............................................... 26

LOVING YOURSELF MEANS TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF................................... 28

SEEKING THE TRUTH FROM MANY PERSPECTIVES............................................................ 28

RESULTS OF RESEARCH TESTING THIS BOOK’S IDEAS...................................................... 29

CHOOSE TO LEARN AND BE HAPPY WHILE READING THIS BOOK................................ 31

THE YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY SELF-DEVELOPMENT PLAN............................... 32

Chapter 2: WE CAN CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY:................................................... 36

DO YOUR EMOTIONS SEEM TO HAVE A "MIND OF THEIR OWN"?................................ 36

WE CAN CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY NOW............................................................................... 36

EMOTIONS ARE CONTROLLED MORE BY THOUGHTS THAN BY EXTERNAL EVENTS. 37

RESTATE "HELPLESSNESS" LANGUAGE INTO "CHOICE" LANGUAGE................................ 39

WE HAVE MANY ROUTES TO HAPPINESS--We are never helpless.................................... 40

EXTERNAL ROUTES TO HAPPINESS...................................................................................... 41

INTERNAL ROUTES TO HAPPINESS...................................................................................... 43

LIFE AS A JOURNEY WITH MANY ROUTES TO HAPPINESS................................................ 45

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AS GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES..................................................... 45

HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING AND HAPPINESS.............................................................. 46

SELF-EXPLORATION AND PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS....................................................... 48

HOW I USE SELF-EXPLORATION AND PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS................................. 50

Chapter 3: DEVELOP YOUR HIGHER SELF:....................................................... 63

PERSONALITY CHANGE CAN BE SUDDEN, DRAMATIC, AND ENDURING...................... 63

HOW DO PEOPLE MAKE RADICAL PERSONAL OR LIFE STYLE CHANGES?.................... 64

REASON AND EMOTION AS DECISION GUIDES................................................................. 65

GIVING OUT OF UNSELFISH CARING INSTEAD OF OBLIGATION................................... 68

THE POWER OF THE HIGHER SELF DEPENDS ON………………………………………  70

UNPRODUCTIVE BELIEF SYSTEMS--They devalue health and happiness......................... 71

GOAL OF HIGHER SELF IS HARMONY AMONG ALL MIND-BODY SYSTEMS.................. 73

LIFE AND BODY AFFIRMING BELIEFS--How do we know what to believe?...................... 73

ELEGANT BELIEFS--BOTH COMPREHENSIVE AND SIMPLE............................................... 74

AN INNER GROWING FORCE................................................................................................ 77

THE PROCESS OF INNER CONFLICT RESOLUTION…………………………………........77

REPLACE OLD BELIEFS WITH MORE FUNCTIONAL HIGHER SELF BELIEFS..................... 81

THE SOURCE OF MY NEW IDENTITY.................................................................................... 82

SELF-ACTUALIZATION--THE RESULT OF A STRONG HIGHER SELF.................................. 83

LIST YOUR TOP BELIEFS TO GIVE YOUR HIGHER SELF MORE POWER..........................

 

Chapter 4: CREATE A POSITIVE WORLD BY ADOPTING A POSITIVE WORLD VIEW...... 88

WE CAN NEVER KNOW THE REAL EXTERNAL WORLD--ONLY OUR PERCEPTIONS..... 88

OUR TRUE REALITY IS OUR INNER WORLD--NOT THE EXTERNAL WORLD................. 88

OUR IDEAL WORLD versus REALITY: How can we be happy in an imperfect world?..... 97

THERE ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF REACTIONS.................................................................. 97

ACCEPTING THE "UNACCEPTABLE"--Such as Pain, Cruelty, and Death............................ 98

WE CAN CHOOSE HOW WE WILL REACT TO DAILY NEGATIVE EVENTS..................... 101

HOW CAN WE BE BOTH CARING AND HAPPY WHEN OTHERS ARE SUFFERING?..... 101

IS CHOOSING TO THINK POSITIVELY BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF?....................... 102

TURNING THE TIDE OF THOUSANDS OF THOUGHTS.................................................. 112

Chapter 5: DEVELOP GREATER SELF-WORTH AND SELF-CONFIDENCE............ 115

OUR SELF VIEWS HAVE POWER (including their own inertia)......................................... 115

WHAT IS SELF-WORTH?....................................................................................................... 118

HOW DO WE GET UNCONDITIONAL SELF-LOVE?......................................................... 118

LOVING YOURSELF MEANS TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF................................. 120

WHAT DOES "SELF-IMAGE" MEAN?..................................................................................... 120

SELF-ACCEPTANCE IS A PREREQUISITE FOR SELF-LOVE AND SELF-WORTH............... 121

ACCEPTING OUR BODIES AND OUR BASIC CAPABILITIES IMPROVES SELF-WORTH 121

YOUR SELF-IMAGE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN YOUR ACTUAL IMAGE...................... 122

A PROCESS FOR ACCEPTING YOUR BODY AND APPEARANCE..................................... 122

NEGATIVE SELF-BELIEFS GENERATE DYSFUNCTIONAL THOUGHTS AND HABITS...... 124

CREATE A POSITIVE, TRUTHFUL SELF-CONCEPT….……………………………………. 126

OUR SUBPARTS CAN UNDERMINE OUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE............................... 129

OUR SELF-CONCEPT AFFECTS OUR SELF-CONFIDENCE............................................... 137

DEALING WITH PAST "FAILURES"--and low self-confidence............................................. 138

SELF-CONFIDENCE AND LIFE SKILLS.................................................................................. 139

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN LIFE SKILLS, HAPPINESS, AND SUCCESS............................... 139

SELF-CONFIDENCE AND LIFE SKILLS RESEARCH—AREA BY AREA................................. 142

ADDITIONAL FACTORS THAT INCREASE SELF-CONFIDENCE........................................ 143

Chapter 6: THE TRANSITION FROM EXTERNAL TO INTERNAL CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.... 146

USING EXTERNAL versus INTERNAL EXPECTATIONS TO EVALUATE YOURSELF........... 147

WHAT DO THEY  WANT versus WHAT DO YOU WANT.................................................. 148

APPROVAL AS A "MUST" versus APPROVAL AS A "BONUS"............................................... 148

TRYING TO IMPRESS OTHERS versus FEELING GOOD ABOUT WHO YOU ARE......... 150

TRYING TO BE POPULAR versus  TAKING GOOD CARE.................................................. 153

BEING TERRIFIED OF DISAPPROVAL versus ACCEPTING DISAPPROVAL....................... 153

LETTING OTHERS MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOU versus MAKING THEM YOURSELF.... 154

LETTING NEEDY OTHERS DOMINATE YOU...................................................................... 156

LETTING OTHERS TAKE CARE OF YOU versus TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF................ 160

"I SHOULD" versus "I WANT"................................................................................................. 161

SOURCES OF DEPENDENCY AND EXTERNAL CONTROL................................................ 162

THREE-WAY CONFLICTS:  EXTERNAL PEOPLE, INTERNALIZED PEOPLE, AND ME..... 164

SOCIETY AND THE MEDIA.................................................................................................... 164

REFERENCE GROUPS............................................................................................................ 164

BELIEFS SWALLOWED WHOLE (without critical examination and modification)......... 166

EVEN COMPLIMENTS AND SUPPORT CAN FOSTER DEPENDENCE............................. 166

SOURCES OF INTERNAL CONTROL .................................................................................. 167

YOUR BASIC PSYCHOBIOLOGICAL NEEDS........................................................................ 167

YOUR HIGHER SELF............................................................................................................... 168

YOUR OTHER SUBPARTS (roles, interests, knowledge areas, etc.).................................... 169

SUMMARY OF INTERNAL BARRIERS TO INTERNAL CONTROL...................................... 169

COPE WITH INTERNALIZED PARENT CONTROL STATEMENTS..................................... 171

REPLACE AVOIDANCE, EXCUSES, AND "SHOULDS" WITH CHOICES............................ 171

EXAMPLES CONTRASTING AN EXCUSE WITH A CONSCIOUS CHOICE....................... 172

REMIND YOURSELF OF EXTERNAL CONTROL CONSEQUENCES................................. 173

BECOME AWARE OF AUTOMATIC NONASSERTIVENESS................................................ 174

MONITOR EXTERNAL CONTROL FOCUS versus INTERNAL CONTROL FOCUS......... 175

HIDDEN MESSAGES, MANIPULATION, AND GAMES PEOPLE PLAY............................... 176

DEVELOP INTERPERSONAL SKILLS TO GET MORE INTERNAL CONTROL................... 176

SPEND YOUR TIME IN HEALTHY SOCIAL ENVIRONMENTS............................................ 178

SET BOUNDARIES OF RESPONSIBILITY AND CONTROL................................................. 179

Chapter 7: HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING CREATES PEAK LEARNING,
    PERFORMANCE, AND HAPPINESS............................................................. 181

PEAK FUNCTIONING OF OUR MIND AND BODY............................................................ 181

OVERSTIMULATION— Too much challenge causes confusion and anxiety.................. 183

UNDERSTIMULATION— Too little challenge causes boredom and depression............. 183

HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING IS OUR MOST BASIC DRIVING FORCE....................... 184

1. OPTIMAL LEARNING AS THE BASIS OF HAPPINESS--Dr. George Kelly...................... 184

2. OPTIMAL STIMULATION AS A BASIC HUMAN MOTIVE—Dr. Donald Berlyne......... 185

3. OPTIMAL CHALLENGE CAUSES THE FLOW EXPERIENCE--Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi 185

4. ADAPTIVE RESONANCE IN NEURAL NETWORKS--Dr. Stephen Grossberg................ 187

HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING DRIVES LIKING UP......................................................... 189

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN INTEREST, LEARNING, AND MEMORY......... 190

HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING CAN INCREASE OUR SELF-ESTEEM............................. 193

PROLONGED HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING IMPROVES PHYSICAL HEALTH............ 194

THE HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING MODEL EXPLAINS OUR EMOTIONS.................. 195

HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING INCREASES VALUING..................................................... 200

WE CAN GET MENTAL CONTROL OF HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING AND EMOTIONS 200

Chapter 8: "RISE ABOVE" ANXIETY, ANGER, AND DEPRESSION....................... 201

THE MAGIC OF MENTAL CONTROL.................................................................................. 201

Mental Control Strategy 1:  CHOICE of Episode: Replace it or Convert it?..................... 204

TO CREATE HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING REPLACE  OR CONVERT ACTIVITIES........ 204

REPLACE ACTIVITIES TO GET MORE IN THE ZONE........................................................... 205

CONVERT ACTIVITIES TO GET MORE IN THE ZONE........................................................ 206

Mental Control Strategy 2: HARMONY of Motives: Resolve conflicts to increase motivation    209

HARMONIOUS POSITIVE ANTICIPATION: Looking forward to the activity or outcome 210

HARMONIOUS MOTIVATION versus CONFLICTED MOTIVATION................................. 210

SELF-EXPLORATION--THE FIRST STEP TO RISE ABOVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS............ 211

RESOLVING ONE INNER CONFLICT BRINGS HARMONY TO MANY SITUATIONS...... 211

REPLACE "SHOULDS" WITH NEW CHOICES...................................................................... 212

USE POSITIVE CONSEQUENCES TO INCREASE MOTIVATION....................................... 213

Mental Control Strategy 3:UNDERSTANDING:................................................................. 215

UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION TO CREATE A ROAD MAP TO SUCCESS.................... 215

A ROAD MAP TO SUCCESS--How do we get what we want?.......................................... 216

EPISODE ANALYSIS CAN INCREASE OUR UNDERSTANDING AND SKILLS..................... 216

PART OF OUR BRAIN AUTOMATICALLY DOES EPISODE ANALYSIS................................ 219

UNDERSTANDING AT A HIGHER LEVEL--A MENTAL SAFETY NET................................... 219

Mental Control Strategy 4:GOALS AND EXPECTATIONS.......................................... 221

OPTIMAL EXPECTATIONS INCREASE HARMONIOUS FUNCTIONING............................. 221

ADJUST CHALLENGE OF THE GOAL TO GET INTO THE ZONE...................................... 223

ADJUST THE LAPDS GOAL DIMENSIONS TO ADJUST AROUSAL................................... 225

FIVE GOAL CHANGE METHODS TO LOWER ANXIETY AND STRESS............................. 225

MULTIPLE GOALS: Go for the Gold--be prepared for the worst...................................... 232

OVERCOME UNDERAROUSAL EMOTIONS--DEPRESSION, GRIEF, APATHY.................. 232

FACTORS THAT PREDISPOSE SOMEONE TO DEPRESSION............................................ 234

SUMMARY--increase emotional arousal by increasing challenge and complexity.......... 238

Mental Control Strategy 5: OPTIMISM--You can be happy no matter what happens.... 240

OPTIMISM BASED UPON OUR CONTROL OF OUTCOMES.......................................... 240

DEEP OPTIMISM BASED UPON TRUST IN BENEVOLENT FORCES................................ 243

Mental Control Strategy 6: FOCUS--Keep your eye on the ball to funnel your energy 244

PROBLEM-FOCUS versus SOLUTION-FOCUS................................................................... 244

FOCUSING ON THE BALL CAN HELP US OVERCOME ANXIETY.................................... 245

FOCUS ON YOUR ULTIMATE CONCERN FOR CLEAR INNER DIRECTION.................... 248

YOU CAN ACHIEVE MENTAL CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS ................................... 248

Chapter 9: CREATE A BETTER WORLD FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS............. 253

FEELING IN CONTROL OF OUR LIVES versus FEELING HELPLESS.................................. 253

CHANGING OUR ACTIONS AND ENVIRONMENTS TO FIND HAPPINESS................... 254

AUTOMATIC HABITS--Habits consume most of our time................................................. 254

BALANCE BETWEEN PARTS OF OURSELVES...................................................................... 256

BALANCE BETWEEN PRESENT AND FUTURE SATISFACTION OF VALUES..................... 256

TECHNIQUES FOR CLARIFYING IMPORTANT UNDERLYING VALUES............................ 258

VALUES TEND TO LAST, BUT CAN BE CHANGED RADICALLY......................................... 259

WE LIVE IN UNIQUE PERSONAL WORLDS........................................................................ 261

YOU CAN CHOOSE TO MAXIMIZE YOUR HEALTH.......................................................... 262

CREATING A BETTER WORLD AS A GIFT OF LOVE--and a message to ourselves........... 265

ACHIEVING EXCELLENCE CYCLE--Achieving distant dreams and goals.......................... 265

IT PAYS TO WORK TOWARD HIGH-RISK GOALS: We are part of a larger process....... 268

THE O-PATSM SYSTEM: From Dreams and Values to Actions........................................... 269

THE VALUES-EMOTIONS LINK: Get control of values to get control of emotions........... 270

O-PATSM BRIDGES THE GAP BETWEEN VALUES AND ACTION .................................... 270

O-PATSM:-STEP-BY-STEP .................................................................................................... 271

YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH MORE AND HAVE MORE FUN!............................................... 277

HURRY SICKNESS--TOO MUCH TO DO, TOO LITTLE TIME........................................... 278

Chapter 10: SUCCESS and HAPPINESS ATTRIBUTES QUESTIONNAIRE (SHAQ)
    RESEARCH and BOOK CONCLUSIONS: A Formula for Happiness .............. 282

 

Appendices and Bibliography

Index of SHAQ Research Results                                      290

Appendix A: THE CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY CHECKLIST                     291

Appendix B: OVERCOME ANGER AND AGGRESSION                     297

Appendix C: THE RUNAWAY EMOTIONS CYCLE                         306

Appendix D: NEGATIVE COGNITIVE STYLES                             308

Appendix E: HARMONIOUS ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS
                  TO CREATE UNDERSTANDING AND INTIMACY         309

Appendix F: Demographic Factors and Outcomes                         315

Brief Bibliography                                                   316        

Index of Boxes, Tables, and Figures                                     321        

Biographical Sketch of the Author                                       322

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