Jokes, Riddles and More
Jokes, Riddles and More 1. A visitor commented upon the three-legged pig and how special it must be. The farmer replied that the pig was indeed very special since it had saved the lives of the farmer and his family by alerting them to presence of a fire in the farmhouse one night. "You don't eat a pig like that all at once," said the farmer.2. The National Association of Employers recommends giving all secretaries an additional hour for lunch on National Secretaries Day and letting them make up the lost time at the end of the day.
3. Pick a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 2 and add 8. Divide that sum in half and subtract the original number. The difference is a number that corresponds to a letter of the alphabet. One corresponds to "A", two to "B", three to "C" and so on through the alphabet. Identify the letter that the number corresponds to and then think of a nation whose name begins with that letter. Then think of the second letter in the name of that country and identify an animal, the name of which begins with that letter. Why would you name this elephant Hamlet?
4. A cowboy rides into town on Friday. Three days later he rides out of town on Friday. How is this possible? (Hint: the horse wasn't named "Yesterday").
5. During World War II the Allies were seeking ways to reduce the casualties in their bomber and fighter escort groups. Returning planes were examined to determine where additional armor could be added to reduce losses. Since weight is critical in aircraft any armor must be minimized if the success of the missions is to be maximized. After a through investigation of the returning aircraft a recommendation was made for the placement of additional armor. At what place on the airplanes was it recommended that the armor be placed?
6. Two hikers were in the back country of Yellowstone National Park at the very beginning of the spring season when they found themselves between a grizzly bear mother and her two cubs. As the angry mother bear was charging them, one of the hikers sat down, unzipped his backpack and began changing from his hiking boots to running shoes. His disbelieving companion asked him, "You don't actually believe that you can outrun an angry grizzly bear do you?" To which he replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to out run you!"
7. The competition between the local donut shops was furious, with four opening on one block of the city. One shop posted a sign that read, "Best donuts in the city!" A second then posted a sign that read, "Best donuts in the state!" The third posted a sign, Best donuts in the world!" Finally the fourth shop posted the most thoughtful sign, "Best donuts on the block!"
8. Famous quotes:
Socrates, "I drank what ?!!!"
Dymosstenees, "Mmumpht dommgux rixdmfuf."
Diogenes, "I always thought you would be taller."
9. Three guys check into a motel and each pays $10.00 toward the $30.00 room rental. When the bellhop returns to the front desk the clerk tells him that the three were over charged by $5.00 for the room and was dispatched to return the money to the three guests. When they were presented with the $5.00 they couldn't figure out how to divided it equally between themselves but since it was found money anyway they each took a dollar and gave the remaining $2.00 to the bellhop.
Now, since they each originally paid $10.00 and then received $1.00 back, their net price paid is $9.00 each, for a total of $27.00. Since the bellhop received $2.00 and $27.00 plus $2.00 equals only $29.00, where did the $1.00 difference between the original $30.00 and the $29.00 go?
ANSWER: When the bellhop returned to the front desk the clerk tells him that he has now remembered that a couple who had come in earlier had likewise been overcharged $30.00 for a $25.00 room and dispatched him again with $5.00 to return to the couple who had been overcharged. Unfortunately they too were unable to divide $5.00 equally between themselves so they each took $1.00 and gave the remaining $3.00 to the bellhop. Since each of them originally paid $15.00 toward the $30.00 room rate the $1.00 refund means their net cost is $14.00 each. If we add the $14.00 each of them paid and the $3.00 given to the bellhop we find that the total is $31.00, one dollar more than the original $30.00 charged.
That's where the other dollar went!
10. Question: "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?"
Answer: "Convicted? No."
11. If water lilies double in size each day and it takes 30 days for a single lily to multiply until it covers an entire pond, how many days does it take for single lily to multiply so that it covers 1/2 of the pond?
12. After the closing arguments, but before the jury had returned it's verdict, the client had to leave for business in Europe. When the favorable verdict came in the attorney cabled the client with the news with the simple message, "Justice has triumphed!" The client wired back, "Appeal immediately."
13. What do these mean?
I saw a man chasing a cat with a stick in his pajamas.
I saw a man in his pajamas chasing a cat with a stick.
I saw a man with a stick chasing a cat in his pajamas.
I saw a cat being chased by a man with a stick in his pajamas.
I saw a cat being chased by a man in his pajamas with a stick.
14. The beachcomber came across a bottle and when he uncorked it a genie appeared and offered to grant him one wish. The man asked for a return to a time when the streets in Long Beach were safe both day and night, the water and the air were clean and everyone was healthy and prosperous. The genie shook his head in shame and said, "You have asked too much of me master. These things even I cannot do. You must ask for something less." To which the man replied, "Then I wish that every student who comes to CSULB would take full advantage of the opportunities that are made available to them by devoting the time and effort necessary to receive them." The genie then furrowed his brow in deep thought and asked the man, "What was that first one again?"